*a note before I post: some of Kelly's shower pictures will be making an appearance soon ... I just haven't gotten them onto my computer yet. It's on my to-do list.*
Can I be really honest with you, few blog-readers of mine?
Life sucks sometimes.
Some days I wish I was still in college.
Some days I just want to scream about how life just isn't fair.
Some days I don't want to be a grown-up anymore.
Don't get me wrong - I am aware that we are blessed, and in the grand scheme of things, we are so very, very rich. But it feels like we can't catch a break right now.
Emotions have been running high in this heart and head of mine. My sister is moving far, far away to Los Angeles this summer after she and Colton get married. Work has had its ups and downs lately. My mom has been sick, and I am worried about her. We still honestly have no idea where we'll be or what Mark is doing in 3 months. (We will hopefully still be here, but who knows?) And to put the icing on the cake, Mark went back to the dentist two days ago, and my poor hubby had to have some MORE seriously extensive work done on his mouth. Dentists are becoming a major bummer for us...
It's just hard. That's really the only way to put it. It is what it is, and we're dealing with it, and it's fine. But it's hard.
And honestly, I'm bummed about turning 26 next week. This is the first year that I haven't been partying it up, celebrating my birthday month. Instead, I'm budgeting and price-checking and organizing and planning baby showers for people. Turning 26 means that I'm closer to 30 than I am to 20. I had a lot of expectations of what life would be like at 26, and they haven't exactly happened. I feel like that's a normal thought process of most mid-20's these days ... life isn't what we thought it would be. But it's a hard thing to wrap your head around. And compounding those feelings is watching friends and acquaintances who are my age doing those things that I thought I'd be doing by now.
Buying a house.
Having a baby.
I think I've mentioned this before, but the pregnancy count is now up to 14. 14 of my friends and former classmates are pregnant, or have just had their babies. Now, I don't want a baby right now. We are not trying (in fact, we're actively trying NOT to), but it's still something that I thought I would want by this point in my life. I feel like there's something wrong with me, like I'm not maternal or something. Like I should want one.
I do want a house though. Soooo badly. We're waiting because it's the wisest thing to do financially, but it is so hard for both Mark and I. We have been patient for a long time, and we're going to have to be patient still. But it is a little bittersweet to watch good friends purchase and move into their new homes. I'm really happy for them, but it makes me a bit jealous, too. That's kind of my life right now. Happy but a bit jealous. And stressed. And worried.
I wish life would just settle down for a little bit.
(My apologies ... I didn't mean for this post to get all serious and unhappy, but that's life sometimes...)