I'm also kind of a bad mom...

This is a rant that should not necessarily be taken seriously or read into too far. This puppy momma has about had it today, and since there are no people at my house, I'm having to resort to using the Interwebs....

Yes, this is my second post of the day.

Yes, I am totally at my wits' end.

It hasn't even been 12 hours.

My blood sugar is low, I'm shaky, I'm frustrated and mad, and I feel guilty.

Luna is hard. I guess all puppies are hard. But she is especially hard when you're by yourself. She is EXHAUSTING. Mark gets totally worn out on the weekends I work - and I think he has way more patience than I do. I'm finding out how very little patience I have. Bless my poor future children's souls...

There are days that I absolutely adore my puppy. I always love her, I always take care of her as best I can - but I don't always like her that much. Some days I do, honestly. But some days, I'm thinking, what on EARTH possessed us to get a puppy? What were we thinking? Today is one of those days.

It started out badly - we've blockaded the stairs using our kitchen chairs and a cookie sheet and a box of kitty litter, but Luna was still totally getting past it. After Houdini-ing her way up the stairs 3 times and eating most of the cat's food this morning, I decided to do something about it. So, in her crate she went for all of 5 minutes while Mommy worked her magic. My new blockade of books, somewhat resembling the Great Wall of China, works fantastically. The ENTIRE TIME that I was making said wall, though, Luna was wailing at the top of her lungs. She HATES being in her crate when we're in the room, the lights are on, and she's ready to play. It was maybe 10 minutes at most, and I was over it completely. So that was this morning.

For the remainder of the morning, she whined and cried and looked around for Mark, who left at 9 to go to his archival conference. Great reminder that Mark is very much not here, and very much somewhere else. I desperately wanted to be somewhere else WITH him, without her. And then I felt guilty, because it's not her fault, she's just acting like a puppy...

So then she took a little nap, I got a few things done, we ate lunch, and I took her over to Andy and Suzie's house to play with Emma. Which would have been fantastic but that plan totally backfired and Emma did NOT want to play. She was having none of it. So I sat in their house for a while, Emma on the back of the couch, avoiding Luna at all costs, and Luna playing with Emma's toys by herself. After a while of that, I was once again over it, cause Luna peed on the floor approximately 700 times and was into everything, and we went home. We played, she took another short nap while I washed the dishes, and then we tried to go for a walk. That's stressful too, as Luna hasn't quite gotten the concept of "walk beside me while I'm walking" and instead just wants to eat everything and walk wherever she pleases. Back inside, more playing, more peeing on the floor, then I had to go get the CSA. More crying in the crate. (She usually calms down within a couple of minutes when we're either gone or totally out of sight range.)

And then, to put the icing on the cake, my manager calls asking if I can work extra on Thursday. Well, let's backtrack - I am leaving with Luna early in the morning to go to my dear parents' house to stay through Friday, because I cannot take another 3 days of this. I will lose my mind, and Luna will probably hate me. So, I could technically work on Thursday, but it would also include repeating today twice more, and leaving Luna in her crate for 12 hours by herself, which is not feasible nor kind or responsible pet-owner behavior. So I say no, even though I desperately need the money, having just spazzed out about how we're going to pay our bills earlier.

And then I cleaned my car while having a meltdown.

And then I came back inside, and Luna wants to cuddle but she also wants to eat me at the same time, and I find myself yelling at her to PLEASE just sit DOWN and chew on her TOYS and not my FINGERS and she looks at me with her sad little puppy eyes and I totally break down because I'm being so mean to my little puppy who has no idea what she's doing wrong, because her gums hurt and she just wants to chew on something. And then, making me feel even worse, she licks my face, trying to make me feel better because I'm crying.

So now, thank God, she's curled up beside me, asleep, and I feel like a piece of crap.

I don't even know why it stresses me out so much, or makes me so frustrated? She's just a little puppy...

Please tell me that at least one of you have had similar experiences with little puppies... You'd think I could manage. I can take care of a 24-week baby who's 1 pound on a ventilator all day long, and they run you ragged, but you manage. But this is a whole new thing to behold...

Am I alone in this?